St. Petersburg, August 29, 2023 - Today, a crowd in St. Petersburg gathered for a memorial service that was equal parts solemn and strange. The guest of honor? None other than Yevgeny Prigozhin, the 62-year-old mercenary leader who met an untimely end in a plane crash just a week ago.
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| Wagner Group founder and leader Yevgeny Prigozhin with the people in the Central African Republic before leaving for Moscow. |
Prigozhin's spokespeople broke the news in an announcement that could only be described as "short and not-so-sweet" on social media. It was like they were trying to keep the details as mysterious as the man himself.
According to the announcement, if you wanted to say your final goodbyes to this enigmatic character, you had to head over to the Porokhovskoye cemetery in St. Petersburg. Forget about those earlier reports speculating about other places he might rest; this was the spot. Or was it? The statement didn't exactly shout from the rooftops whether Prigozhin had already been tucked in or if he was still waiting for his bedtime story.
Now, speaking of bedtime stories, the Kremlin made it clear that Putin wouldn't be attending this funeral. It's like when your neighbor throws a party, but you're just not into it - in this case, Putin had better things to do. The Kremlin spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, played the "it's a family thing" card, keeping the details on the down-low.
But why all the secrecy? Well, it's a bit like trying to keep a lid on a boiling pot of borscht. See, Prigozhin was a guy who went against Putin's playbook back in June, and the Kremlin didn't want to throw him a parade, but they also didn't want to make him a Russian villain. It's like saying, "We don't like what you did, but hey, you were kind of a big deal." Putin himself had some mixed feelings, calling Prigozhin a "talented businessman" and a man with a "difficult fate" who had "made serious mistakes in life." That's one way to put it.
Sergei Markov, a pro-Kremlin political analyst, even chimed in, saying this funeral was like a high-stakes game of telephone between the government and the Russian public. It's like they're playing chess, and we're just trying to figure out if the knight moves diagonally or sideways.
The Investigative Committee, which sounds like the name of a detective agency in a spy novel, officially confirmed Prigozhin's death. But they kept mum on what actually caused his business jet to nosedive shortly after takeoff from Moscow. Maybe the pilot was just having a really bad day.
In other news, they also held a funeral for Valery Chekalov, who worked logistics for Prigozhin's crew and died in the same plane crash. It's like they're having a reunion in the afterlife. Dmitry Utkin, Prigozhin's right-hand man who gave the mercenary group its name, was also on that fateful flight.
Now, here's where things get even more interesting - U.S. intelligence folks think there might have been an intentional explosion that brought the plane down. They're pointing fingers in all directions, but the Kremlin says, "Nah, it's just fake news."
The crash happened exactly two months after Prigozhin decided to stir the pot by leading a rebellion against Russian military leadership. Putin called it "treason" but then worked out a deal where Prigozhin and his gang got a free pass to Belarus. It's like a classic mob movie plot: "You guys can retire in peace, but don't come back to our turf."
The future of Wagner, the mercenary group that once stirred the pot in Ukraine and beyond, is as clear as borscht without beets. Putin says they can join the Russian military, hang out in Belarus, or just retire. Right now, they're chilling in Belarus, probably playing cards and wondering if the borscht tastes better there.
As we say our quirky goodbyes to Prigozhin, the man of mystery, we're left with more questions than answers.
